If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if only i could text you this smell
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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