he puts the penis in happiness.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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