Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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