Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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