Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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