she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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