Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
