I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
