if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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