apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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