Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
