The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize