So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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