I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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