Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
