my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
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I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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