I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
