I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
