paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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