i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
