Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
