I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
