your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
