I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
