i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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