he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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