Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
