I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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