God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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