DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
