where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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