I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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