what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
