So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
