you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
