I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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