saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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