All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
