i just made my gag reflex go away.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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