Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize