Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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