you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
