Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
