Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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