God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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