I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
