I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
