Do you still have your period?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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