Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
