bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
