I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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