When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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