the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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