Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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