I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
