He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
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I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
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You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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