Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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