I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
