i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
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I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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