There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
