I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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