moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
